Remember that scene from Meet the Fockers where DeNiro wouldn't pick up the crying baby in the middle of the night because he was relying on the Ferber method? Bernie Focker then said of his own son, "We used the Focker method. We hugged and kissed that little prince like there was no tomorrow. We Fockerized him"
While I can't picture myself "fockerizing" anything, I have to ask the obvious question: Can there be a 'delightfully in between'?
We decided very early on, before the twins were even born that they would each have their own room and we would have a child-free bed, god willing. When the twins were newborns, we snuggled them together in a pack n play in the livingroom because it was easier since they refused to sleep once the sun went down. We even resorted to letting them sleep in their carseats for a little while because they didn't like being horizontal as much. I drew the line at leaving Rayna in the swing though, so I'm not a completely bad parent. There were occasional nights of cuddle sleeping in our bed, especially when I was breastfeeding, but those nights were scarce.
Eventually we moved them into their respective cribs and found a few hours of peace each night. I still had to get up in the middle of the night for a bottle feed, but they were good to go back to bed afterwards. I was even getting up before them, prepping the bottles and waking them up to feed them so I could maintain the most air-tight, fool-proof schedule. Neither baby had slept the full night through until they were at least 9 months old. It wasn't until they started daycare (waking up at 5:30am) that they started consistently sleeping through the night. I'm telling you though, whenever they did wake up in the middle of the night, my heart would race and anxiety would rear its ugly head..."Don't wake the other baby!"
Nowadays, we have typically just one little fight each night with Seth to get him to go quietly to bed, but other than that, we've been enjoying two very wonderful toddlers who sleep amazingly. This works in my favour because sleep is one of my top priorities. On occasion we've woken up at 11am on a Saturday and have had to wake the twins up.
I swear I'm not gloating. I'm demonstrating that what we did to get here worked and it wasn't easy getting there. I'm fully aware that things may change at a moment's notice and I'll be back to getting up every two hours again (I hate sickies).
Both Seth and Rayna fell asleep better initially when held or cuddled by us. After they were four months of age, we resolutely did not bring them to bed with us, no matter how much easier it would have been. We didn't want them getting used to it and later demanding that we co-sleep every night. Number one, our bed isn't that big. Number two, I like to stretch out and not worry about poking a kid in the eye or them falling out of bed. Number three, I didn't want to end up having attachment issues.
Attachment issues...that's a prickly topic. I understand that some people prefer attachment parenting and if it works for them with no adverse effects, then all the power to them. But if you find yourself sharing a bed every night of your life with a ten year old, and he or she hasn't slept by themselves for any consecutive amount of time, it might be a good idea to ask whether or not its good for their developmental growth. Will they be able to cope as they age? Will they depend on sleeping beside someone in order to get any kind of beneficial rest? Will they suffer from anxiety whenever they sleep alone? I don't know, I'm not a psychologist and I don't know anyone who carried it to that extreme so I will leave that up to those parents to figure out.
I firmly believe that a strict bedtime schedule is incredibly important to implement from as early as possible. They have to know a dependable bedtime. If they don't want to go to bed, get them used to the schedule. Turn the lights out, cuddle for a while, then bring them to bed. If you have to lie with them for a few minutes to reassure them that it's quiet time, so be it, hell, fall asleep with them and return to your bed later if need be. Sometimes my kids are talking/singing to themselves in bed (alone) for an hour before they fall asleep but they're not upset by it. They will sleep when they're tired, but I'd prefer they be in their beds when that happens and not be over stimulated in front of the television in the late hours. When Seth wakes up in the middle of the night, he wants out of his room, so I bring him downstairs, check his diaper, give him a drink of water (this is if he'll let me and isn't in the depths of a frantic tantrum), give some cuddles, then bring him back to bed. He'll be good for the rest of the night. Rayna is her mother through and through...she is all about the sleep and rarely gets us out of bed.
It's a mixture of who they are and what we helped train them to be. But the one thing I've learned is that there are no right or wrong answers, you have to do whatever works.
While I can't picture myself "fockerizing" anything, I have to ask the obvious question: Can there be a 'delightfully in between'?
We decided very early on, before the twins were even born that they would each have their own room and we would have a child-free bed, god willing. When the twins were newborns, we snuggled them together in a pack n play in the livingroom because it was easier since they refused to sleep once the sun went down. We even resorted to letting them sleep in their carseats for a little while because they didn't like being horizontal as much. I drew the line at leaving Rayna in the swing though, so I'm not a completely bad parent. There were occasional nights of cuddle sleeping in our bed, especially when I was breastfeeding, but those nights were scarce.
Eventually we moved them into their respective cribs and found a few hours of peace each night. I still had to get up in the middle of the night for a bottle feed, but they were good to go back to bed afterwards. I was even getting up before them, prepping the bottles and waking them up to feed them so I could maintain the most air-tight, fool-proof schedule. Neither baby had slept the full night through until they were at least 9 months old. It wasn't until they started daycare (waking up at 5:30am) that they started consistently sleeping through the night. I'm telling you though, whenever they did wake up in the middle of the night, my heart would race and anxiety would rear its ugly head..."Don't wake the other baby!"
Nowadays, we have typically just one little fight each night with Seth to get him to go quietly to bed, but other than that, we've been enjoying two very wonderful toddlers who sleep amazingly. This works in my favour because sleep is one of my top priorities. On occasion we've woken up at 11am on a Saturday and have had to wake the twins up.
I swear I'm not gloating. I'm demonstrating that what we did to get here worked and it wasn't easy getting there. I'm fully aware that things may change at a moment's notice and I'll be back to getting up every two hours again (I hate sickies).
Both Seth and Rayna fell asleep better initially when held or cuddled by us. After they were four months of age, we resolutely did not bring them to bed with us, no matter how much easier it would have been. We didn't want them getting used to it and later demanding that we co-sleep every night. Number one, our bed isn't that big. Number two, I like to stretch out and not worry about poking a kid in the eye or them falling out of bed. Number three, I didn't want to end up having attachment issues.
Attachment issues...that's a prickly topic. I understand that some people prefer attachment parenting and if it works for them with no adverse effects, then all the power to them. But if you find yourself sharing a bed every night of your life with a ten year old, and he or she hasn't slept by themselves for any consecutive amount of time, it might be a good idea to ask whether or not its good for their developmental growth. Will they be able to cope as they age? Will they depend on sleeping beside someone in order to get any kind of beneficial rest? Will they suffer from anxiety whenever they sleep alone? I don't know, I'm not a psychologist and I don't know anyone who carried it to that extreme so I will leave that up to those parents to figure out.
I firmly believe that a strict bedtime schedule is incredibly important to implement from as early as possible. They have to know a dependable bedtime. If they don't want to go to bed, get them used to the schedule. Turn the lights out, cuddle for a while, then bring them to bed. If you have to lie with them for a few minutes to reassure them that it's quiet time, so be it, hell, fall asleep with them and return to your bed later if need be. Sometimes my kids are talking/singing to themselves in bed (alone) for an hour before they fall asleep but they're not upset by it. They will sleep when they're tired, but I'd prefer they be in their beds when that happens and not be over stimulated in front of the television in the late hours. When Seth wakes up in the middle of the night, he wants out of his room, so I bring him downstairs, check his diaper, give him a drink of water (this is if he'll let me and isn't in the depths of a frantic tantrum), give some cuddles, then bring him back to bed. He'll be good for the rest of the night. Rayna is her mother through and through...she is all about the sleep and rarely gets us out of bed.
It's a mixture of who they are and what we helped train them to be. But the one thing I've learned is that there are no right or wrong answers, you have to do whatever works.
I totally agree with you on the bedtime routine. I know some parents who will take their kids out with them to dinner and have them fall asleep in their strollers/car seats. Just so that the parents can have a good time. And then they wonder why their kids go to bed so late or why their kids don't sleep through the night.
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